You know you're from Australia when...

Being Australian I found this quite amusing and it has some truth to it.

 

You Know You're From Australia When...

Your next door neighbours can be from Tunisia, Israel, Indonesia, Japan, Zimbabwe, Iraq, Brazil, Spain, Malaysia... So true. At my folks place the neighbours are Italian, Greek and Eygyption. At my flat we I live below a French couple! The community is so concerned over the fact that muslim women can't use public swimming pools because there are men present that they have female-only periods. Havn't heard of this exactly, but we do have female only gyms. The Greeks and Mexicans next door ask you over to have a barbeque. Yeah! You don't actually use the words 'sheila' or 'shrimp'. Not much. Definatly not sheila unless we are making jokes off in the bush. You sleep with Aeroguard on. Maybe some people do in summer... You're wearing a cap emblazoned with 'Get A Dog Up Ya.' Not common You feel obliged to spread salty black stuff that looks like congealed motor oil on bread and actually grow to like it. Yes and we call it 'vegemite' And it's bloody good! You actively dislike Americans, but watch their TV, eat their food and worship their idols. yes, but we try not to watch too much of their TV You think Tall Poppy Syndrome is a national condition. Not so anymore Democracy means the freedom to draw caricatures of John Howard. Yes yes yes! It doesn't mean we don't like him or want him for pm, we just do it in good humour. Your idea of a lethal weapon is a slug gun. ....... I don't quite get this one. The closest you ever got to going overseas was your packet of 5 Days In Rio grundies. For some, yes A posh meal = an all-you-can-eat buffet. Yes, sometimes. I love my buffets. The term "musical instrument" also extends to wobbly bits of ply-wood, hand saws, gum leafs and combs. of course! We are just being resourceful! Your most offensive curse also doubles as an exclamation of awe or amazement, like, "fark orf!" Can do. All of your internationally famous people don't live here. True, true. You think footballers dressing up in drag on TV is funny (but your son being gay isn't). Heh heh, to the sporting commuitity this is truw You relish test cricket - the longest, slowest game in sport (and that's not even counting the replays). After all, what else gives you an excuse to sit on your arse for five days, watch TV and sink piss with your mates? This one mostly applies to men. I'm not a big fan of cricket myself... You don't drink Fosters, but you let the world think you do. Exactly. Coopers is the beer of choice, even I can stomach it and I hate beer. Victoria drinks VB (Victoria Bitter) which South Australians (like me) think is disgusting! The only thing better than beating the Pohms at ANY sport is giving them shit for it. For the sports mad. You love, adore and admire a particular team/sportstar/actor on a winning streak - until they lose. Then they're just crap and 'past it.' Sometimes. More on TV. You can compress several words into one - ie 'g'day', 'd'reckn?' This allows for more space for profanities. Of course You favour either Holden or Ford - or a souped-up WRX with new kit and a bootful of subwoofer. Heh heh. More so amoungst the men. Driving down the main street/beach road playing bad techno is your idea of a perfect Saturday night / Sunday arvo. hahahah, to some, yes You make kooky films, sometimes about wayward road trips (across the outback preferably). Quite a few are crap. Agreed! My favorite 'kooky film' is Love Seranade staring Maranda Otto (this is way before Dany Deckchair and you just have to dig the 'smouldering 70's soundtrack') You know all the words to Khe Sahn but not the national anthem. Khe Sahn??????? But yeah, some of us don't know all the words, particuly the second verse. We are pretty laid back at times when it comes to patratism Your nickname ends in 'a' or 'o'. Quite often! You have a customised stubby holder. Everyman should have one. Your soap stars become pop singers and move to the UK. Heh, yes they do. You've ever used the words - grouse, tops, ripper, choice, sick, rad, exo, ace, wicked, ballistic - to mean good. And then you place 'bloody' in front of it when you really mean it. 'You li'lle ripper' springs to mind. Your cooking apron has plastic breasts on it. For those traditional family BBQ's The "Aussie Aussie Aussie! Oi oi oi!" chant has been a religious experience in the past. I love that chant! The blokes at the local gym think your weight training is an opportunity to ask you out on a date. Soooooo ture! The big national sporting events are men-only Not men-only, but men dominated. Your politicians believe than sticking the prefix 'un' in front of your nationality is an effective way of making you sit down and shut up. Kinda. It's more in response to someone who has done something stupid and potentially embarrasing to them or the country. Our mantras are 'fair go for all', 'mateship' and 'little Aussie battler' - but we still publicly condemn those with different viewpoints to us. The judge is out here. The barbeque is a male-dominated arena. And the women do the salads. So, so true. The woman send the meat out the the men for cooking and stay inside to do the salad and bread. 'Fair go for all' excludes indigenous people. Sadly indigenous people do not have some of the rights they should have but hopefully things are changing. An eight-hour trip to go camping for the weekend isn't out of the question or excessive. Not at all. But our states are much bigger than America's and it takes time to get anywhere. You take pride in living in a tolerant multicultural society but firmly believe that all Poms and Kiwis are fair game. Hell yeah! (Despite the fact that I am half pommy). Kiwis are definatly fair game, not to mention all the sheep there and can anyone say 'Fush and Chups'. But we don't hate them, it's all a running joke in fun. You insist on asking every celebrity who steps of an aircraft what they think of Australia. If the response is not overwhelmingly positive, they should be subjected to immediate public ridicule. Yes that question often seems to come up in interviews. The private lives of footy and cricket players become more important than local and national news stories. Frustrating so. Who really gives a shit. Unfortunatly we are sports mad down here. Slick pick-up lines like 'Wanna shag?' and 'Carn, show us yer tits' can constitute male-to-female conversation. Not if u want a drink in your face. You say 'no worries' quite often, whether you realise it or not. Not really. Some do, some don't. You realise you have no Bill of Rights. Bill of Rights....that's something Americans have right? The first thing guaranteed to get eaten at parties is fairy bread. At Kids parties. So that's the special ingredients that make up an Aussie - whatever your taste. You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Austrailia.s Yes I get most of these.